It wasn’t supposed to end this way.
I took this photograph at American University only days after the university went online for the rest of the semester. It was deserted.
April 28, 2020 will always be an important date to me. Yesterday, I finished college. I turned in my last assignment, closed my laptop, and sat down on my bed. I could not believe it was over. Four years of growth, success, heartbreak, and friendship went out not with a bang but a whimper.
I have been spending my days in quarantine doing the same few things. I finished my final papers, my group projects, my senior capstone, and a graphic designer project where I made branding for a game about working from home (yes, I picked my own topic). I apply for jobs every day, concentrating on game industry positions, as I still hope to find something for the summer. I’m using games to exercise with Ring Fit Adventure, and I’m using games to relax with Animal Crossing: New Horizons. Every Friday, my fraternity has a movie night on Zoom—we watched Hercules this past Friday—and I still have chapter and eboard meetings every Sunday. My personal favorite pastimes still give me comfort; I’ve picked up new projects on One Piece Wiki and started watching Demon Slayer.
I was initially going to write a post only about what I was doing with my time in quarantine, and as much as I have enjoyed catching fish, doing yoga poses, and researching obscure video game characters, the gravity of the past 24 hours makes for a much more interesting and powerful subject.
The switchover to online classes was a jarring change for my semester. Though most of my classes transitioned well to a digital format, classes do not feel the same when you do your work in your room and talk to professors on Zoom. These classes are tiring, and with everything going on, it can sometimes be very hard to focus. More difficult for me than losing in-person classes was being forced to say goodbye to my friends months before I thought I had to. I had intentions to stay in DC for the time being with all of them planning to be here, but now that they have left with no plans for when they will return, I do not feel tied to this city. It does not make sense to stay somewhere that has few opportunities in my industry unless I can get one of the coveted gaming positions in the area I applied for.
“If I could finish my degree online and graduate summa cum laude in these circumstances, I have no doubt I could work remotely for a video game PR firm.”
The dramatic change has not been all bad. My roommates and I are closer now than we ever have been. Without the pandemic, I would never have started a Discord server for my fraternity, and thanks to my online classes, I now have practical experience working remotely. If I could finish my degree online and graduate summa cum laude in these circumstances, I have no doubt I could work remotely for a video game PR firm.
I should be proud that I finished my degree. I should feel satisfied with what I accomplished. It would have been normal to be sad, even if the semester had ended like it should have. But because it did not, I feel sad that I was robbed of my last two months of college. It does not feel like I finished. My peers and I have now been thrust dramatically into a tight job market and a world that is afraid of what is to come. We will be getting a virtual “graduation celebration” from our university, but the pomp and circumstance is not coming. We cannot get together with our college friends to toast the end of this chapter. This was supposed to be a momentous time, one where we would pat ourselves on the back for a job well done. How am I celebrating? By applying for jobs and sitting in my house with my two roommates. I might see a few friends from high school next week when I go home to be with my parents for “graduation” on May 9, but this is nowhere near what I had envisioned.
Here are some highlights from my college career. Great times with my friends, personal accomplishments, and many, many things I will miss dearly.
I have been told by many to stay positive and to value what I can learn from this experience. This pandemic is only temporary, and they say that “things will go back to normal.” But for millions of other college (and high school) seniors like me, we can’t go back to our “normal.” Our normal is gone. It feels like all we can do is put our heads down and keep working on getting a job. There was already a lot of pressure on us with how much our lives were going to change. Without the important markers of finishing our last exams and walking out of our classrooms feeling accomplished, celebrating and reminiscing with friends about all of the good times over the past four years, and walking across that stage to have our moment in the spotlight, this pressure is crushing. I am lucky that I have a strong resolve, a supportive family, and a hell of a lot of work I have put in over the past nine months that has positioned me well to break into my target industry. These all take some of the pressure off.
“...we can’t go back to our ‘normal.’ Our normal is gone.”
If you know a graduating senior, please tell them how proud you are of them. Tell them that they have been robbed of their shining moment, and tell them that it is OK to be angry, distraught, sad, and anxious. Then help them make the best out of this situation. I have had a lot of amazing people help me in my life, from my parents to professors, and even game industry professionals. We all need that kind of help right now.